On March 11, 2013, the Compton Curse was laid upon the Saints.1
Way back in the naive year of 2013, the New Orleans Saints were coming off a season in which the offense was “disappointing,” Rob Ryan’s hair seemed magical, Darren Sproles seemed to have lost a step,2, Jimmy Graham was “soft” (I hate all of you), and Sean Payton was convinced he could mortgage the offense to further solidify a strong 2013 defense.
Absolutely none of those things were true, by the way.
Undeterred, Sean Payton, Mickey Loomis, and their lackeys decided that Darren Sproles was expendable.3 Sean fancied himself as clever as Bill Belichick, trading a player a year early for a middling draft pick and looking like a genius.4
*Maybe trading Jimmy Graham for a draft pick that became another shitty linebacker who couldn’t get coached up by Joe Vitt wasn’t part of the Compton Curse, but it was still very stupid.*
When the news came out that the Saints were trading Darren Sproles for spare parts, dear Mrs. Sproles unleashed the rare self-titled curse, and thus the Compton Curse was born.5
For the next 52 weeks of football, and 1662 real days (and counting), the New Orleans Saints have languished in football obscurity, never once possessing a winning record or shred of self respect.
Then, something happened at 1:40 on September 24, 2017.6
In this moment, a terrible thing happened to a good man. Darren Sproles somehow tore his ACL AND broke his arm in the same play. I have not watched this play because that sounds like more pain than I can stomach at one time.7
Meanwhile, at the same time as Darren Sproles goes down, 534 miles away, a Saints cornerback makes a crucial third down play to end a Panthers’ drive, a thing that hasn’t been once in the entire stretch of the Compton Curse.8
After that crucial third down stop, the Saints in probability was 46.9%. Pretty much from that moment forward, the Saints took control of the game, earning a miraculous (and rare) win in September.
On one horrific play, the Saints broke free of a (sorta) old curse and finally won a game in September. The defining characteristic of the Compton Curse has been horrific Septembers for the Saints. In fact, the Saints have THE WORST September record since the start of the 2014 season.
In the great month of October, New Orleans’ natural voodoo was able to temporarily break the shackles of Compton Curse, posting the league’s third best win percentage .750, going 9-3, behind the Patriots and Broncos.
While we all hate to see Darren Sproles go down after a long, preposterous career,9 the curse is over. The curse, as outlined by the wonderful Mrs. Sproles, was dependent on having Darren active in this league.
So you see, with Darren Sproles missing time for the first time since we (stupidly) traded him away for being old and useless,10 the curse is finally broken, and not a moment too soon.
While an 0-2 start is a difficult start to overcome, 0-3 is a death sentence. From about 1:30 PM Central time on September 24, 2017, the Compton Curse is broken. Now, with our traditionally strong October in front of us, it’s time to finally break this infernal time loop we’ve found ourselves trapped in.11