Here is a listicle that explains, more accurately than anyone else has yet, what happened in the Saints/49ers game.
1. The 49ers Punted
2. The 49ers Kept Punting
I’m just getting settled in. The 49ers punted a lot.
3. The 49ers Punted Again and Again
To San Francisco’s credit, the 49ers have wonderful special teams.
4. Robert Meachem Was Awesome
Look at that man run. That’s clearly a wide receiver whose “body has broken down.”
We love you, Robert Meachem. You’re sort of the best.
5. Josh Hill!
He’s so excited.
Left with no choice but to respond aggressively, the 49ers got aggressive.
6. They Unleashed Their Best Offensive Weapon
Lance Moore, your mustache is terrible and you should shave it.
Having tied the score, the 49ers continued their unstoppable attack, relying on the traditional interception returned for a touchdown that instead becomes a touchback.
Everybody really wants to love you, Corey White. I promise. Bless your heart, you really tried here.
Their cunning plan delivering a 10-7 lead, the 49ers continued to dominate on special teams.
8. Is That…Is That Travaris Cadet?
That is indeed Travaris Cadet. An early audition for 2018 starter at “satellite player” or something. Whatever: Keep it up, dude.
The Saints quickly took a 14-10 lead, so the 49ers returned to their money play.
9. They Punted More
Andy Lee has two first names.
10. WHY DID YOU DO THAT DREW
Anyway, the Saints kept kicking field goals after Drew did that, and the 49ers kept doing what they do best.
This is really quite a few punts, isn’t it.
12. Delivering Violent Hits That Are In No Way Motivated By Monetary Reward
Yeah, yeah, complain, 49ers fans. Meanwhile, be tied with Arizona in your division.
13. So Many Punts
Finally, after a night of punting, committing valiant unnecessary roughness penalties, and relying on Saints mistakes to avoid a crushing defeat, the 49ers lost to Garrett Hartley, and Jim Harbaugh reacted as stoically as he always does, showing great charisma and gravitas as a leader of men.
14. Oh, Jim Harbaugh
One day, Jim, we’ll play your team, and we won’t spot it two touchdowns. On that day, you can join the ranks of the destroyed.
Also, Happy Hartley:
Glad you’re back, Good Garrett. Let’s not do this whole rollercoaster thing next year.